Silent Retreat

N: Hey! Que pasa?

P: We haven’t talked for two days and something has to be “pasa” for me to call?!

N: I called you yesterday.

P: You really should call my home phone. I didn’t check my cell.

N: I left you a message at home, too!

P: Really? Hm…This is intriguing. I’m gonna have to subpoena the phone records from Verizon.

N: Let’s get CSI involved. I’ll call Sam Waterston.

P: I’m gonna get ‘what’s his name’ – the one who made the really bad career choice of quitting NYPD Blue after one hit season?

N: Yeah. Which is why we now refer to him as ‘what’s his name.’

P: David Caruso.

N: Right.

P: He really made a comeback, though!

N: I know. And he’s got the acting range of a screw driver.

P: Phillips head?

N: No, He’s not interesting enough to be a Phillips head. Definitely a flat head.

P: Speaking of flat heads, I’m thinking of going for a few days to this silent retreat. Wanna go with me?

N: Y’know, I would do just about anything with you – except be silent.

P: Really? I think it would be fun. We’d probably end up developing some sort of elaborate mime language.

N: You think that’s what the silent folks had in mind? You and me jumping and gesticulating while everyone else is yogic flying?

P: What the heck is Yogic flying? I’m a pretty hip gal of today and I’ve never heard of it.

N: Okay, by using the word ‘gal’ you have just proven that you are neither hip nor ‘today’.

P: Very funny. You still didn’t answer my question: What’s yogic flying?

N: It’s basically hopping but in the yoga pretzel position. My brother does it. He showed me once.

P: So did he have bruises all over his knees?

N: No, he was on his bed! He thinks he’s reached some upper level of yogini, but it’s basically just bouncing.

P: That’s crazy! So, okay, you’re not going on the retreat.

N: I just don’t understand giving up something that I love to do, that’s not bad for me, and that I’m really good at.

P: Fine. I’ll go alone. I’ll be the crazy lady doing mime alone in the corner.
Guess what? We couldn’t go to our favorite hibachi restaurant tonight. I’m finally ready to throw some money at creating family fun…

N: What happened?

P: We went there and it was closed. There was a sign in the window that said, “Because of unfortunate circumstances, we were forced to close…”

N: Really? That’s mysterious.

P: I think they must mean because of the economy.

N: I thought it was like health code violations or something; something a little more sinister.

P: Yeah… maybe. Maybe they had some trouble with a haunted cow.

N: A haunted cow?

P: Yeah, well that’s pretty sinister.

N: It is. And it wouldn’t be the first time a hibachi restaurant closed because of a haunted cow.

P: And it won’t be the last.

Easter Dia(b)logue

This is the conversation Patience and I had on Easter.

Nelsie: We went out for the traditional Easter Eve dinner at Chili’s last night.

Patience: Yeah, I think they had a Chili's in Nazereth, didn’t they? It was the flag ship.

N: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s where they had the last supper.

P: I think you’re right.

N: Rayna [my daughter] had the Triple Dipper.

P: What’s that?

N: It’s any three appetizers. Jesus used to love it. (I pretend to be the waitress.) “Would you like to try the JC Triple Dipper? It’s on special tonight, because, after all, it was the favorite of our Lord.”

P: But you have to be careful, cuz in three days it’ll rise again.